My Companion Always Talks About Herself: Should I Cut Her Off?

Our friends with a woman, who has overcome many hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse walked away, and it was an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed focused solely on him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have realised better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, several of her friends have disappeared leaving her sure why. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. My effort is to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She is organizing a holiday to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions even called home for some time. My intention was to share personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She really only wanted validation of her decisions. I recently come back from a month in that country and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she'll truly understand the consequences of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to working things out requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to tell how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Finally involves requesting how the two of you can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Consider she too has a point of view, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. One effective method is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version regarding their experiences they won't release because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult as there is no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out defensively and then think on your words. And should you never reach a fix, you'll have closure from having been open and direct.